Jinrui wa Suitai Shimashita – The Morality of the Fae

You know who the biggest assholes in myth are?  Fairies.  I mean, sure, the Greek pantheons were pretty bad, but what they typically did was monumental in scale, making them seem more malevolent or dispassionate towards humans rather than just plain trolling.  Let’s say here I am, walking through the cliff sides, when I suddenly see a beautiful woman blocking my path and dancing to a haunting tune.  She asks me to dance.  If I don’t, I get thrown into the nearby thistles to hurt for the rest of the week.  If I do, she may let me pass or I’ll just end up in the bushes anyways.  Not to mention that given my skills in the art of dance, I’ll probably be in the thistles either way.

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This example is actually from French folklore of the Dames blanches or “White Ladies”, a
particularly nice fae compared to a lot of others.  See, even when fairies are nice to humans, they’ll still find some way to dick you over, or, in the case of this fae, have you pulling thistles out of yourself for weeks.  In fact, throughout most European mythology, fairies are notorious for messing with humans because 1.) they can, 2.) it’s fun killing humans for sport, torturing humans for decades and what not, and 3.) because it’s all some power play to keep us down, like we’re a group of beatniks oppressed by the Bourgeoisie.  The worst part is that sometimes they may help a human out on a whim, making it confusing as hell to figure out what they’re up to.  It’s like meeting the Joker on a good day.  I think the Fae took Cyndi Lauper to heart because, particularly at our expense, fairies “just wanna have fun.”

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Pictured above:  Cyndi Lauper being accosted in the woods about her peculiar dance moves.

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